Dreams, Moving and Beginnings

Mommytoo asked when is the big move?

As many of you know, or may not know, the plan is that we are in vermont for a short time.    We had thought that we would leave Brooklyn in the early summer after Jpants was born which we did.   Then the plan was that we would go to our final destination (Denver) in late October.   Well,things have shifted.   We are now thinking we will make the trip after thanksgiving.   And this week we have been kicking around the idea of staying here until after christmas.  The truth of the matter is that I am having a hard time thinking about leaving.   I am often, read almost anytime we talk about it, teary.    H. is sad too.    We decided to live in Denver when we were living in NYC.   I don’t think either of us felt ready to live in a rural place.   It seems very doable now.   And we like it alot.    Of course, Vermont is easy to love in summer and fall.  Maybe we would feel differently if it was winter.     I would be surprised if we were not living in Vermont before Jpants is in school.   But then again, Denver is so so good because of H’s family and Jpants’ cousians.     It is such a complicated decision.

Olive asked what was the first year of H’s and my relationship like?

H and I had known each other for quite a while and had always been attracted to each other.   There were a couple of things keeping us apart mainly H being in a relationship and us being on the opposite sides of the country.   H broke up with her long time girlfriend and moved to  my side of the country in a time when we were not talking.  (We were not talking because at times it was very difficult to be in this strange limbo relationship that was really a very charged friendship.)  H contacted me out of the blue about a month before she moved to NYC and  I learned of all the changes in her life and everything was suddenly different.   We were talking on the phone almost every night and our relationship was an eventuality.     Anyway, I think the second weekend that she was in NYC she rode the chinatown bus up to Boston and we were together from then on.   We would spend our weeks in our separate cities but the chinatown bus that was only 15 dollars each way was a godsend.   In the spring I moved to NYC for an internship and we lived in different neighborhoods.   We would go to one home to another and in August we decided to move in together.   Our first year was a magical time.   It was a  time of deep connection and great fun.   We would explore the cities, cook amazing food and talk for hours at a time.

milestones

Well, I have been a horrible blogger.   horrible.

There have been some major milestones over here to report however.

H and I got married.   It was a big deal and also surprisingly nothing.   We had a civil union and we were legally married on our 3rd anniversary.   We exchanged our original vows but added one about honoring our family ((how the heck did we not have a vow about creating a family??)).    It is good to be married.   I have been enjoying calling H my wife – I just never really referred to her in that way before.   And she is not particularly wifey… it makes me smile.

Jpants is three months old.   It is amazing how did our baby get so big.   He is really big.  Not in a chubby baby way but as in he is a giant.   He is so tall.   The 3 month old sweatshirts and shirts look like belly shirts.   Not that I really mind he has a beautiful belly button.     He now can only wear medium gdiapers, which we are loving using.    I find them really easy and we are composting the inserts so I feel good about our earth impact.    I also really like that they are not all cloth because it means that we are doing less laundry.   We have lots of bumgenius but I have found they are really not my favorite.   I think because I already feel like my whole life is laundry.

With J being three months old, it is also been the anniversary of our BFP.  Oh the joy and worry and happiness anxiety about the beta.   I loved that time in our life but I am happy, oh so happy, to be here.      I think it is high time for a new round of BFPs.    High time, ladies.

Our boy is obsessed with music.   It is amazing.   He loves singing, dancing and his mobiles.   I, for some reason, did not pay any attention to mobiles in baby prep.   I did not realize how important they would be.   He just looks up at them and smiles and laughs.   My mom purchased a mobile for him off of ebay sells for 150 dollars for a fraction of that.   He loves it.   The music is good too.   I do not feel like a crazy lady listening to it.    His favorite song that we sing to him is BINGO, it is not at all my favorite song, but every time we start to sing it he smiles so wide, even if he is in a mini meltdown.   That makes it a pretty great song in my opinion.

My sister and her partner are coming up for the weekend.   I am not really excited about this boy.   How do you guys deal with it when you don’t like who your sibling is dating??   I am pretty close with her, and I have trouble biting my tongue.    I don’t really want to.   And I feel myself being actively cold to him.   Not nice at all, and I am generally a nice person.    I don’t want this to interfere with my relationship with my sister.

I do want to blog more.   I think of posts all the time.   I think I need help, I really like what my friend olive is doing with answering questions.  Maybe writing more will get me back into the habit of blogging.   Do you guys have questions for us?

getting back in the saddle

Olive says I just need to start blogging again.  Of course she said that 3 weeks ago, and of course she is right.   I think that blogging is like all other things in life, if you go out of the habit it is hard to pick back up.   We are here, we have moved, we are all so happy, and we have a two and a half month old baby (how did time pass so fast.)   Vermont is amazing.   I wish everyone could have this time to adjust to having a new baby.   Our days are slow yet so full.    We always manage a walk or a trip out some where.    We have been calling these trips our “adventures” which is a generous term for them.     Jpants is growing so big.   He is in the 85% for hieght and the 75% for weight.    We adore him.   It is a crazy love the love we feel for him.     There is so much to post, I am not getting overwhelmed and I am just going to post this.   Thank you for checking in on us even though we are horrible bloggers right now.    More to come (i hope this is not an empty promise.)

xoxo

L.

One month???

how did this happen?  also, how did it happen that we have not written in forever and that I have 100 plus posts that I have been wanting to respond too?

Oh yes, we have a newborn who just today is turning one month, that is it.    And we are crazy people and moving in one week from tomorrow.     I have so much to say, but the boy needs to eat so he can put himself to sleep.   I miss you guys and promise to write a better, or at least more in depth post soon.

stories from the homefront.

I have been in a baby fog but here are the bits that are sticking with me right now:

1. love: I have never fallen so in love so fast and hard.    I have a hard time not staring at this baby.   It did not happen the moment he was born – as I thought it would be.    I am sure that has a lot to do with the C-section and the fact that I was absolutely convinced that we would have a girl.    As in we did not even have a middle name for him picked out – I was sure that would not be a problem.    He has the softest head.    I love holding him and stroking his head – he seems to like that too.

2. sharing: I have been having trouble with this.    I welcome sharing him with H.   I love seeing him with her.    He loves to sleep on her, and actually seems more peaceful there then with me (I think because he can not smell my milk as much).    I have been having trouble sharing with my MIL.   She is here this week to help me, as H is back at work (( which totally sucks)).    Sadly her idea of help is to take the baby for walks, or holding him.     Both are difficult for me.     Her taking him for walks is hard because I really invisioned this time as us walking around our neighborhood and me talking to him about all of our favorites.    But instead, I am house bound because of the C-section and the 4 flights of stairs.     I could hold him all the time – I don’t ever feel like I “need a break” from him as she says.      She is so well intentioned.   So well intentioned.    I have been just taking some deep breaths and practicing letting go.

3. feeding: I have a bucket load of milk.  My shirts are soaked and in the morning I wake up in a puddle of milk.  Our lactation consultat actually insinulated that it was because I was from a rural state – so funny.   I do seem to have flat nipp.les which means that he has been having a really hard time latching on.   This lead to tears on both sides of the nipp.le and I have now purchased a nipp.le shield.   It seems to have relieved a lot of anxiety on his side.    I am a bit worried that he will not be able to nurse with out it.

4.  sleeping: His is completely varies.   sometimes he sleeps for 4 hours, but more frequently it is 2.5 hours..   My sleeping is good.   I love being able to sleep on my back again.   LOVE it.

5. moving:  we have moved our moving date back.   we now will begin our next adventure on the 15th of july.    This has brought some peace into our life.    It would have been crazy to move so soon after his birth.   I never anticipated he would be so late nor that I would have a C-section.

6. birth:  so many feelings.   I am going to write a seperate post once I figure out some of those feelings a bit better.

Thank you everyone for your congratulations.    It is wonderful to feel so loved.

Protected: Our hearts are split open with joy…

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He is here!!!!

Just a quick post to let you know that our son has arrived.    The birth was amazing and as different as it could be from what we imagined.  L had a C-section after a 14 hour labor including 3 hours of pushing – this boy just did not want to be born.   However,  he was finally born on Sunday morning at 12:26 and was 8lbs 11oz.    He is incredible and we both have completely fallen for him.   We are all going home from the hospital today and will do a bigger password protected post latter on tonight or tomorrow.   Please email for the password.     Here are some pictures of the boy in the meantime.

Ahem.

So, you know how sometimes after many conversations with your midwife and loved ones, many thoughts and feelings, and hours of weighing your options you decide to go ahead and induce labor because you are one day short of 42 weeks pregnant and are afraid you will be told you have to have a c-section?  And then you wake up at 5 am, eat a huge breakfast and head out to the hospital only to get a call from your midwife while driving to find out that there are no rooms available at the hospital– they are totally full– so you can’t actually go for your induction right then, but maybe later?  Then you hang out in the Upper West Side most of the day, but no rooms open up, but you may get called before 10 pm to come in, but then you don’t get called in so you have spent the whole day waiting with no result?

Yeah, that happened to us today.

The good news is that we had a biophysical and non-stress test and everything looked great.  Sprout is doing awesome and they don’t think s/he is too big.  We have a plan to try again tomorrow, but honestly, I do not have my hopes up.  This (month long) labor has taught me a lot about not getting too excited or counting on anything until it actually happens.  It could be so much worse and really things have entered the realm of a farce.  We are all (yes, there are still 4 of us- L’s mom has been here for 3.5 weeks and her sister has been back for 1.5 weeks) in pretty good spirits.  It will be a great birth story to tell Sprout every year on his/her birthday.  We have gotten so much love and support, and really, what can we do but just laugh at this point?

We will let you know when there is more to report.

Please let this happen tomorrow.

–H

a missive

Dear baby,

You are getting so big I can hardly call you Sprout anymore.   That nickname seemed so fitting when you were a little lima bean that was swimming in there.    But now I recognise that you are probably feeling like a big kid now.    I certainly know that you are running out of space in there.     I have grown to calling you “the kid” or “chicklet” when I am talking about you to your mom.     Speaking of which we are talking about you all the time.  We would love to know what you are thinking about your landing date.

We welcome you anytime really, although we miss you out here.    We are always getting stuff ready for you, we have been since we knew you were coming to us, but I don’t think there is a thing left for us to do.    We are ready.   Your mom has read the whole Dr. Sears book on babies (we felt like that was maybe what was holding you back – that we had only read books on getting pregnant and birth – if that was the case it is okay, we understand why you would be nervous coming out to parents who did not really know too much about a baby’s needs – but we are ready now).  We are feeling even more confident in our commitment to babywearing after reading this book and although you are a kid now you should know that when you come out you are not going to be alone in this big world.   We are excited to have you to hold.   I have pulled out the breast pump, and I know how to use it… I bring this up to say not that you are going to be bottle fed at the get go dear baby but to say that I have tons of colostrum – you will be fed my chicklet when you get out here – don’t worry.

I am really happy that you have loved being inside so much.   I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I have loved having you in there.    It has been some of the best moments of my entire life and I love how your existance has already changed my relationship with your mom.    You are lucky to have her you know.    She is so on top of all the details of your care and also mine.     We are really ready for you to be held by her too.    She loves you so much she gets teary talking about you these days.

She is not the only person who is here and waiting for you, your nana is here, she has been here for 3 weeks.    It is wonderful that she is so excited to see you.    It would be so nice for us if she could go home.     Also one of your aunts is here.   She loves you too.

So, I don’t want you to feel pressure.   We are now past when you could be born at the birth center.    I am sure you have felt me crying about this.   I hope that did not stress you out.     I am feeling better about that dear chicklet.    You must have your own mind and I think you are teaching your anal and plan obsessed mama that she should not expect that you will always conform to her ideas.    I get it and I will try my best to remember this lesson.   So I have let go quite a bit my plans for this birth.   That being said, I would really like to not have to have a C-section which means that if you could manage to stay under 10lbs until after our appointment on friday that would be great.    Also if you could just put down your landing gear and arrive before next monday night that would also be great so I do not have be induced.    I would really like you to be very alert and wake when I first meet you dear baby.

I write all of this to say our little chicklet, that we are so ready to meet you and if you are ready come out please do so.    We will work out all the other details as soon as you are here.

We love you so much, beyond words really and we don’t even know your eyes yet, or what your skin feels like, or if you are a boy or a girl.

your mama (and mom too)

June bug

Our baby must have wanted to be a June baby.    If I don’t go into labor actively by midnight then we are going to be in labor and delivery.     There are worse things – I am hoping that my body decides labor is a great idea in the next 7 hours.    No pressure.    We will of course keep you guys updated.