And there is blood

I got my period yesterday. And I am so happy. I am relishing in the happiness of seeing this blood, since I am so aware that for months ahead I will want nothing to do with AF.

I put a call into the RE’s office and I am waiting hear back – But I think we are on this cycle… our swimmers are at the office so barring that she hears something horrible from the surgeon (which I did not on my post-op with her) we are on our way (again). Yippee is how I feel now and so different from this post

Rereading that makes me so grateful we are on this side of things.

a happy day

This was the note on a bunch of pussy willows on our desk last night. And I have been sitting here all day looking at them. We are not big valentines day celebrators but we had a really great home cooked meal last night and spent most of the day together. It was really quite dreamy. Also H. got me this:

Now all we need is a “made in brooklyn” one too. I love this onesie; thank you H. for making me feel like it is okay that all I want to think about is baby clothes.

living more in the present

I need to work on this. I am so baby crazed and to that end, I just can spend hours pouring over baby clothes (old navy is having sale now) and ponder the wonders of the BOB stroller, and consider, thoughtfully, the benefits of cloth or G-diapers or disposables. You can see how this list can go on and on, and well, I need to stop it.

I really don’t think we are going to be a one hit wonder (what with my cycles and recent surgery) and even if we were to be it is not time to be considering all these things. I am just having a hard time turning it off. And all of these thoughts are running around in my head and not the Colorado bar materials – which I really need to remember. The bar is in two weeks, and while there is very little pressure to pass (since we are not moving there in any defined time and I have a job, here in NYC, where we will be for at least the next year) it would be nice to not have to take it again.

I think the core problem is that I am a planner. I always have been and I have pretty much done what was original plan most of my life. We had a plan to start in late November/early December and it got all f*cked up, a surgery was necessary and as a result I am home all day with tons to do (please see above re: studying) but I can’t focus and all I see are onsies. I can foresee that the biggest problem for me, with this fertility stuff, is the lack of plan and my strong desire for one. Thus, I am back to the beginning, I need to focus on small things, taking prenatal vitamins, taking the bar, going for walks and deep, deep breaths.

Here is to a weekend with a new focus – I hope.

seeking some blood

So my surgery was 3 weeks ago today, which is reason to celebrate. I have been home this whole time recuperating and yet no sign of my period. I had a “period” right after the surgery, but my surgeon said that I was actually close to ovulation at the time of surgery and then that I was having a “period” because my uterus was so manipulated in surgery. Also they had to cut one of my ovaries open to get the cyst out. Add a little PCOS in the mix and all of this means I have no idea when I am going to get my period and I want it because I have been given the go ahead with an IUI upon its appearance.

waiting, L.

New Post for the New Blog

So L and I decided to start this new blog, as she mentioned because there have been things we want to write about that we haven’t necessarily wanted our dear families to read. I guess those are the posts that tend more toward journal entries…good for those going through similar thoughts/feelings/experiences, but maybe not for the fam who just wants us to hurry up and have kids. (My mom has recently told me that she thinks 4 is the right number of children for us. When I mentioned the cost (not even getting into the other issues) she said that she plans to have enough money to fund as many baby conceptions as we will agree to. It is sweet, even if it makes her sound like a baby farmer.  Also, whether she will have the resources to fund the baby farm is a whole other taco.)

Anyway, I am looking forward to this. I think it will be a good place for L and I to write about this process. To have a space to talk about what we are going through together, and how we are experiencing things differently-she as the bio-mom and me as the “other mother.” My first thought on that is there has to be a better name/phrase for my role. I will think about that and post more about it.

So, I just wanted to say a quick hi and that I am glad we are here. I look forward to going through this with all of you out there who are on/have been on this road. Now I have to go feed our hungry cats before they turn on me.

hoping for the best

We have another blog, but we have shared that with all our friends and family. I am hoping this blog will give us some space and support to deal with all these TTC feelings and of course that we don’t have to deal with the feelings long and then are on to a whole set of pregnancy feelings