my name is L. Let me introduce myself. I am blogger who used to write with some frequency. I am a pregnant lady whose partner in crime said to me this weekend – “so do you think you are going to write on the blog again”. ummm. I don’t know what happened. I have things to say, tons, I just don’t know were to start. I am an internal processor, which I guess makes it weird that I wanted to have a blog; but, I do want to keep writing on this blog. Here are things that I have been thinking a ton about.
1. our multiple big transitions: Let me be clear, we wanted both of them, but I am so overwhelmed by it all. Money, moving, motherhood – the 3 Ms are all freaking me out a bit. I keep telling myself this is normal, and then I tell myself again at 4:30 when it seems my body NEEDS to wake up to process this all.
2. Birth: I am starting to really think about what I want this birth to look like. I have been reading Ina May Gaskins book Guide to Natural Childbirth. And I am excited. I highly recommend this book. We are going to our birth centers class this weekend and then the weekend after that we are starting our Brad.ley class. I am ready to talk about birth so much. I am sort of done with people telling me I am crazy to want to have a natural childbirth. Don’t people see the problem with saying to a pregnant lady “You are crazy to want to have a natural birth – it is going to be so painful”. I particularly love hearing it from men.
3. Work: I have been thinking of it a bit, mainly because I have not been there because I have called to Jury Duty service last week and this week. I love being a juror. I am a dork, I am a lawyer, and it all makes me happy. But work, I am trying to figure out what it means when your dream job is no longer your dream job. And how to figure out my recent need to make more money. I have managed to be only slightly bitter about my salary until now at 6 months pregnant and it is something i think about a lot. I want to provide for my family, and I made a decision 6-7 years ago that means my salary is one 1/5 of what it would be if I had made the opposite decision. Now H. reminds me that we would not have the same relationship if I had decided to go into corporate law, but still I am dying to feel more financially secure. I know this is wrapped up in pregnancy somehow.
4. Sprout: It is hard not to think of this little kicker. We are 24 weeks, viability legally and medically. I have tried not be a worrywart about things, but I have to say that I was so happy when I got the email today that I am officially in 24 weeks. Sprout is a ninja, a swimmer, a dancer and a fish. The movement is so so wonderful. I love feeling him or her. People have started to guess what I am having. I think it is really fun. Most people think I am having a girl, although there has been a good amount of boy votes. I have been dreaming of sprout and most of the time sprout is a girl and the rest of the time gender nutraul. H and I have been talking about names, what do you guys think about having 4 names? first, middle, middle and last (not hypenated). Is it too much. I am person who has been called by her middle name since birth, so I know that having a different name is sometimes challenging. Will we be burdening our child to much if they have two middle names?
5. The glucose test. It is 15 days. I would be lying if I did not feel like this was the final countdown. I am nervous. I have not been the best about my eating. Although, I eat very well I was going to go on boot camp diet for the test and I have not. I am waiting for my body to let me down on this. I wonder when I will get back the confidence that my body will do the right thing. I lost that feeling in TTCing…not so much from our tries exactly (we actually did pretty good – an aggressive 4 tries) but from everything that led up to our actual inseminations. Okay really that whole cancer scare business and surgery – I am wondering when I am going to recover from that.
okay, I want to write more on all fronts. H is calling me, dinner is ready and I have some wii fit to play (which is pretty funny and a bit hard to figure out what excercises are good when you are pregnant.
It feels good to write, I knew it would.