This is the stuff of dreams. I am really excited that I will be able to post on the go! Of course I am sitting at home and not on the go at all, but I like knowing it is possible.
We are now at week 1.5 of the TWW. L and I had a conversation today about how this time around, things feel so different. I find that I am not nearly as emotional about the tries and the TWWs as I was the first time. Of course we are only on our second TWW, so I am sure that is part of it. But I also wonder how much is self protection. This sh!t is hard, after all. Also, our lives were really different last time. In addition to wanting a baby more than anything in the world, we made a lot of plans based on the birth of said baby. The major thing was that we planned to move out of NYC once the baby was born. (We did in fact move when J was 5 weeks old, which I will tell you was a really stupid plan. I would not encourage anyone to do this.) It really felt like we needed this baby thing to come through so we could get on with all of our other life plans. The mythical baby was the key to unlock our future. We put even more pressure on an already difficult process. Every BFN, not to mention L’s surgery that delayed us starting, felt like our plans were stalled and we were in a holding pattern waiting for something (everything) to change.
We want this baby just as much as the first one, but this time we are settled in a life that we really love. Luckily, this baby just has to be a baby. That is enough pressure.