I have been in a baby fog but here are the bits that are sticking with me right now:
1. love: I have never fallen so in love so fast and hard. I have a hard time not staring at this baby. It did not happen the moment he was born – as I thought it would be. I am sure that has a lot to do with the C-section and the fact that I was absolutely convinced that we would have a girl. As in we did not even have a middle name for him picked out – I was sure that would not be a problem. He has the softest head. I love holding him and stroking his head – he seems to like that too.
2. sharing: I have been having trouble with this. I welcome sharing him with H. I love seeing him with her. He loves to sleep on her, and actually seems more peaceful there then with me (I think because he can not smell my milk as much). I have been having trouble sharing with my MIL. She is here this week to help me, as H is back at work (( which totally sucks)). Sadly her idea of help is to take the baby for walks, or holding him. Both are difficult for me. Her taking him for walks is hard because I really invisioned this time as us walking around our neighborhood and me talking to him about all of our favorites. But instead, I am house bound because of the C-section and the 4 flights of stairs. I could hold him all the time – I don’t ever feel like I “need a break” from him as she says. She is so well intentioned. So well intentioned. I have been just taking some deep breaths and practicing letting go.
3. feeding: I have a bucket load of milk. My shirts are soaked and in the morning I wake up in a puddle of milk. Our lactation consultat actually insinulated that it was because I was from a rural state – so funny. I do seem to have flat nipp.les which means that he has been having a really hard time latching on. This lead to tears on both sides of the nipp.le and I have now purchased a nipp.le shield. It seems to have relieved a lot of anxiety on his side. I am a bit worried that he will not be able to nurse with out it.
4. sleeping: His is completely varies. sometimes he sleeps for 4 hours, but more frequently it is 2.5 hours.. My sleeping is good. I love being able to sleep on my back again. LOVE it.
5. moving: we have moved our moving date back. we now will begin our next adventure on the 15th of july. This has brought some peace into our life. It would have been crazy to move so soon after his birth. I never anticipated he would be so late nor that I would have a C-section.
6. birth: so many feelings. I am going to write a seperate post once I figure out some of those feelings a bit better.
Thank you everyone for your congratulations. It is wonderful to feel so loved.