That is what I said on Thursday, after still not showing any signs of ovulation.   Now obviously clomid is not exactly “good stuff” but I am hoping I start ovulating normally and consistently.   I wanted to be patient and just wait to cycle and then have a “natural” attempt.  But it is not as if I would wait then just get pregnant for sure in April – and I just want to get started.  So now I am taking provera and hopefully I will get my period this week.  (Does anyone out there know how long it takes for your period to show after you start provera?) And then it will be clomid on starting on day 5.   I am nervous.

H was more wanting to wait for a natural cycle, mainly because she is convinced we will have twins, and I was pushing for starting the drugs – I won… smile. BUT now I am nervous – I don’t want to become crazy, and I know that I will start a trial (I am defense attorney) just as I feel most vulnerable because that is the way work happens.   Like all other things in the process I am just trying to be open to what comes.

Why am I  feeling this mix of excitement and a whole big bunch of nerves?

We went in this morning – and well I still have no dominate follicles.   Our RE was nice, and she talked to us about clomid and doing a provera cycle.   She seemed to really understand that we wanted to get stuff started – and she was really aware that we were so sad when our first attempt ended in surgery.  We are going back in on Monday which will be day 22 to see if there is a egg in there that wants to be released.  The RE said that it did not look like I was going to ovulate over the weekend.

H. talked me down from sadness this morning on our walk back to the subway.  I think that in November my cycle was actually 35 days so I am hopeful that an egg will show up.   Also I would love to do one cycle without clomid.    So maybe this is a good thing and not weird.   I just always jump to my body is weird or abnormal now after that stupid, scary surgery.   (I think that I have some scars from that which are not visible.)