I have been ridiculously tired this past week. Dragging on the floor tired. Sometimes slurring my words tired. I can’t seem to get ahead of the tiredness. I also cannot stop waking up early in the morning with my mind racing in the dark. I just feel a bit like a different person, I am absolutely altered by the sleepiness. Yesterday for instance I fell asleep at 7:15 on the couch, H. woke me up at 9 to eat dinner and I watched 15 minutes of our president. I proceeded to get so cranky mostly because of the bozo who is supposed to be the leader of our country but also because, as I whined to H., I am so tired, so off to bed I went at 9:15-9:20, and then I did not wake up until 5:30 when I coaxed myself back to sleep from about 6:30 to 7:15.
I am feeling more positive about this pregnancy. I am less worried and I find myself thinking about giving birth as a reality rather then a dream that could be crushed at any moment. Sometimes I don’t know if my worry is not really about a miscarriage, but more that I am overwhelmed by this reality. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I am so grateful I am pregnant. So grateful. But it is a strange place to be in, having what you have really wanted for so long. I am happy don’t get me wrong but it is an overwhelmed happy. Sort of like on H’s and my wedding day – the week leading up to that I just did not know where to put all the emotions I was having. Right now I am exploding with emotion, but also numb, because did I mention I am bone tired. I also really just want all my friends to have this. I have an over reaching sense of justice. When I was four, my mama likes to tell this story, I would always say that something was unfair, sometimes the unfairness was about me but most of the time I just thought the world worked in the wrong way. She would respond “L, it is time you know that life is not fair.” I am still working on this lesson. I want things to be fair. I want you all to be pregnant, and I have to say it feels a bit weird being pregnant without you. I hope that makes sense – did I mention I am really really tired?
9 responses so far ↓
nutella // September 25, 2008 at 4:05 pm |
Sleep is good. You are making perfect sense. No, the world is not fair, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do everything we can to make it more fair.
Olive // September 25, 2008 at 5:14 pm |
I love you.
mulberry // September 25, 2008 at 5:22 pm |
olive beat me to it… my response is just as hers…
i love you!! and i understand your sense of justice… i LOVE it, and i share it
xo mulberry
ciaochow // September 25, 2008 at 6:38 pm |
I love this entry. Thank you, I hope to be pregnant right along with you soon!
j. k-c. // September 25, 2008 at 7:53 pm |
I am so glad you put words to that feeling of injustice at finding ourselves pregnant.
It will pass.
And I so, so know that kind of tired. At about 14 weeks I woke up and I swear I had been sleeping for the entire 8 weeks previous.
Lo // September 25, 2008 at 10:04 pm |
I know just how you feel….once we were pregnant we wanted *so badly* for everyone else to join us. And it sure didn’t feel fair.
tbean // September 26, 2008 at 8:25 am |
Thanks for writing this. I was also the four year old asking her parents why life was unfair. I’m still asking.
Hope and pray we’ll all join you soon.
inlocoparentis // September 26, 2008 at 11:34 am |
Oh my god, how did I miss this news?! CONGRATS!
yup, another sara // September 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm |
I think this makes a lot of sense. It is exactly the way I felt when I got pregnant– somehow it was all just a lot more complicated than I thought it would be.