I am still doing it. We did test on Sunday morning. Negative. We weighed testing or not testing and decided that if it was negative we would just be more prepared for a blood test result today. We have to wait for one test or the other because I am on the progesterone, so I can’t just wait to bleed. Although I really feel like I am ready to start my period like a gangbuster. So, I am still awaiting the blood results. It is now 6pm my time, the office has closed, and the doctor should call me tonight. I have slight hope but I am ready for it to be negative. Or as ready as I ever will be.
On my walk to work this morning I listened to the Ani.Difranco song Buildings and Bridges. Since I am lesbian (although it has been verified there are lesbians out there who dislike and even hate Ani) I have loved Ani for a long time but she is no longer my go-to artist. Today listening to my ipod on shuffle this song came up and it has been in my head all day.
Buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world,
that’s what it takes
All that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend
what doesn’t bend breaks
what doesn’t bend breaks
we are made to bleed
and scab and heal and bleed again
and turn every scar into a joke
we are made to fight
and fuck and talk and fight again
and sit around and laugh until we choke
sit around and laugh until we choke
I intend to bend with what ever news comes today otherwise I just might break. I will write back with an update.
6 responses so far ↓
Olive // July 21, 2008 at 6:37 pm |
Oh, I really hope it’s a good call tonight! I hope, I hope, I hope!
Whatever it is, though, you’ll bend, not break.
xoxo
tbean // July 21, 2008 at 7:12 pm |
hugs to you
jessie // July 21, 2008 at 9:26 pm |
Oh, Ani. I love that song. Perfect lyrics
Lizzie // July 21, 2008 at 11:37 pm |
fingers crossed !!
wishinghopingpraying // July 22, 2008 at 2:01 am |
I hope today brought you a wonderful phone call!
yup, another sara // July 22, 2008 at 9:34 am |
I love that song– I think you are right in that this process is one that is all about bending rather than breaking. I think learning to bend is such a huge lesson for so many of us– me included. I also love the lines about turning every scar into a joke. That’s what I feel like I do on my blog sometimes, I try to learn to speak about all of this, and sometimes even to laugh about it all– here’s to bending.