Sperm is flying across the country

We have busy over here.   So busy I just looked down on the calender and it is day 8.  Sperm is flying across the country today.  Thursday we go to the RE’s office to check on my egg status before we leave for the long weekend to Vermont (to celebrate my mom’s 65th Birthday and to see my hometown’s annual tractor parade).    Sadly, my RE is moving to a new office this month, so when I purchased the sperm I could only send one months worth which was not perfect because then we have to pay for shipping twice should we need more.  I hope that we need not make another sperm purchase for a while.   

The woman at the bank was funny.   She asked what donor and I told her but I suddenly got unsure, even though H. and I call our donor by his number to each other all the time, she must of heard the hesitation in my voice and she said really fast most of the characteristics they give about our donor.   She obviously wanted to make sure I was right too.   H. and I did talk briefly about if we should change donors for this cycle.   We did not – I have sort of gotten really attached to our current donor.  He has brown curly hair and hazel eyes like me and has the same ancestry as H.    We picked him so he could be the donor for both of us.   And the most important characteristic for me is that he knocked up some other women.   I hope to add my self to that number.   

The increase in Clomid has not been kicking my butt too hard.   I have been actually really calm until this afternoon when I just got so worried about money and planning.    I love a plan and sadly with this process no plan can be formed.    H. and I would love to go on vacation, back to the tropical place we went on our honeymoon ideally, but I get so worried about money and buying more sperm that when she was talking to me about going on a trip in the fall this afternoon I got almost panicky.    I would love to go, but what if buying tickets means we can’t buy eight hundred fifty dollars worth of sperm next month or the month after that, or the 178 months after that.   Okay, I will get pregnant; I know it, and I don’t think it will take 178 months to do it.   But this afternoon I was drowning in the possibility that it will take a really long time.    The money aspect of this process stresses me out.   I say this very aware of how lucky we are.    My health insurance covers everything except the sperm.  This benefit is the main reason I have stayed in what I thought was my dream job even though I now know it is not what I want to do with my life.    When I read about other people’s fights with insurance and/or complete lack of coverage it makes me so mad.   As a result I often feel I should not complain about the financial strain this process is putting on us and our non-baby goals.     However, today that stress got to me and here I am complaining about the money.

I have re-read this rambly and sort of bitter/pathetic post, and I have now given myself a firm talking to.    I could get pregnant this cycle.   I have been going to acupuncture for 2 months, it has been 7 months since my surgery and more clomid then ever before is racing through my body.    This could be “the month”.   I am a pretty good listener especially if I hear the message several times so I am going to repeat this to myself as much as possible.   And I am going to go to Vermont, soak in the green leaves and grass, celebrate my mama, come back with some pictures of the tractor parade, and come back next week and get knocked up.    Okay that is what I hope is going to happen in the next week.    I will be back with an egg update when I have one.